Columbus

You know that feeling when you’re riding a Columbus, And it’s on one extreme, one eyeblink later, you’re falling,
Your stomach is dropping
(you know it will be alright)
Everybody rides this, day in and day out,
But there is this incessant what if,
What if one screw get loose.
What if, you get to live the final destination now.
It feels like I’m the screw and my life, this Columbus.
If I let loose right now, everything around me will fall apart.

But I hate to be the person who has it all together.
With insides crushing but the ‘good to go’ on the outside.
I wish I knew the word for that feeling of warmth we feel when sunlight peers through the crevice in a rather dark room and falls on your face.
How the coldness inside of you melts down, if only for some time.
If feels like I’ve forgotten to be able to say things out loud again.
Things that need to be out there.
Free from the cages of despair and guilt to flow into the universe.
Things that matter.
People that matter.
I hope that someday, I walk out of a room without the feeling of regret in my mind that I didn’t say sorry to the person who’s rather misplaced table, I pushed.
I hope to be that confident person in my head that enacts past conversations and comes back with sassy replies in the moment.
And even if I did become one,
Will that story be worth remembering?

Shraddha